From Dead Dude To Diamonds

Let's say you're dating a guy, and you've discovered that he's just not that bright, lacks an element of bling, isn't a gem to hang out with, and-- in sum-- he's just not working out to be "forever" material. No sense in trying to change his habits, ladies-- that never works. Science, however, can help you add brilliance and bling to your man-- forever. All you have to do is kill him, cremate him, and use the carbon to turn his body into a diamond. Now, there's a gem that will stay with you forever. Here's why it works:

You may not think your boyfriend has much in common with diamonds, but, in fact, there is one thing: they are both made of carbon, and that's all that matters at the end of the day (or rather, at the end of his life). It takes about six months to convert the carbon from cremated remains into a "sunburst" diamond, and about nine months to turn it into a "blue" diamond. That's right, it's the same amount of time it takes to have a baby....Regardless of whether you believe in rebirth or some sort of life-after-death, one thing is for certain: a boyfriend that becomes a born-again Christian is high maintenance, but a born-again diamond is much easier to live with than any other type of born-again currently offered by various religious faiths or other organizations. Here's more good news: the carbon left over from his cremation is enough to produce between 50-100 diamonds, so you could make necklaces, earrings, nose studs, bracelets, ankle, bracelets...

Boys: beware babes who wear a lot of bling.