From Dead Dude To Diamonds

Let's say you're dating a guy, and you've discovered that he's just not that bright, lacks an element of bling, isn't a gem to hang out with, and-- in sum-- he's just not working out to be "forever" material. No sense in trying to change his habits, ladies-- that never works. Science, however, can help you add brilliance and bling to your man-- forever. All you have to do is kill him, cremate him, and use the carbon to turn his body into a diamond. Now, there's a gem that will stay with you forever. Here's why it works:

You may not think your boyfriend has much in common with diamonds, but, in fact, there is one thing: they are both made of carbon, and that's all that matters at the end of the day (or rather, at the end of his life). It takes about six months to convert the carbon from cremated remains into a "sunburst" diamond, and about nine months to turn it into a "blue" diamond. That's right, it's the same amount of time it takes to have a baby....Regardless of whether you believe in rebirth or some sort of life-after-death, one thing is for certain: a boyfriend that becomes a born-again Christian is high maintenance, but a born-again diamond is much easier to live with than any other type of born-again currently offered by various religious faiths or other organizations. Here's more good news: the carbon left over from his cremation is enough to produce between 50-100 diamonds, so you could make necklaces, earrings, nose studs, bracelets, ankle, bracelets...

Boys: beware babes who wear a lot of bling.

Fast Food: Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream

When you’re really craving home-made ice cream, it’s no fun waiting the standard 24 hours for the mixture to freeze. You may as well be waiting for hell to freeze over. No worries—scientists with a sweet tooth have come to the rescue with a recipe for nitrogen ice cream that will allow you whip up some of the creamiest ice cream you’ve ever tasted— and it will only take few minutes instead of several hours.

What you’ll need:
1 stainless steel mixing bowl,
1 Wooden mixing spoon,
1 pair of gloves,
1 big sink, or any level place outdoors

What to do:

First of all, how hungry are you? When you decide how much ice cream you want to make, multiply that amount by five. This is the amount of Liquid Nitrogen that you’ll need (so for every gallon of ice cream, you’ll need five gallons of Liquid Nitrogen).

Follow your favorite ice cream recipe, mixing the milk, cream, vanilla, sugar, etc. in your stainless steel bowl. (note: leave your dieting friends at home because artificial sweeteners are not recommended--they may have a funky reaction with the Liquid Nitrogen. Use real sugar).

Once everything is mixed up, put on your gloves, put your bowl in the sink, and slowly pour in the Liquid Nitrogen, mixing with the wooden spoon until frozen to the perfect creamy texture. This should only take about 10 minutes.

Bon Appetite!